


My Name Is... Simon

by Enbies_Committing_Felonies



Category: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Genre: Gen, Nonbinary Character, Trans Character, but its not really mentioned so, keefe is a good friend, pan keefe, sophie is trans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:09:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28737780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enbies_Committing_Felonies/pseuds/Enbies_Committing_Felonies
Summary: Sophie doesn't know why she feels so gross inside, or why her stomach is twisting up, but after some soul-searching she thinks she figures it out.
Relationships: Sophie Foster & Keefe Sencen
Comments: 8
Kudos: 15





	My Name Is... Simon

Sophie tugged at an eyelash. Today was NOT a good day, and knowing her life, it would probably get worse. Sitting under Calla's panakes tree, with its flowing branches and the sweet smell of its tricolor flowers normally helped calm her, but now...

She was dirty from helping clean Wynn and Luna after they found a muddy meadow, but she couldn't stand the thought of taking a shower. Angrily, she shoved her hair long out of her face. She wanted to yell. Why did she feel so... so _rotten_?! She looked down at her form-fitting tunic and felt her stomach heave as she scrubbed her eyes in an effort to keep her frustrated tears from falling.

She, Biana, and Linh had planned a girls outing for today, so they had had a sleepover and in the morning Biana had done their makeup. They had picked out gorgeous outfits; Linh wearing a dark grey, slim-fitting dress with silver embroidery that looked stunning with her hair, and a pair of leggings decorated with a flame pattern. Biana had chosen a light, flowy sundress with strawberries on it, leaving her arms and shoulders exposed. The light pink contrasted beautifully with her dark skin and hair, and she had even put her hair up with a matching strawberry pin.

For Sophie Biana had helped pick out a form-fitting white dress with gold trimming. Despite it being pleasing to the eye, it wasn't too flashy and Sophie had liked the way it looked. Biana had said it fit nicely, and showed her curves. At the time Sophie had laughed at the compliment, but now its memory made her stomach churn even more.

Why why why was she feeling like this???

Groaning, Sophie curled up into the fetal position. The tenseness didn't fade, but at least with her eyes closed she could focus on the bark cutting into her back and a stone pressing against her hip. It was a better discomfort than the way her stomach felt. It made her want to tear every single eyelash out, the more it hurt the better.

"Hey... You okay?" It was Keefe, and for some reason that didn't make her feel better.

"Fine and dandy," She groaned, now grateful for the curtain of hair that covered her face, and therefore her tears.

"BS." Damn empaths.

"Maybe I'm not fine, but it doesn't matter anyway because nothing's _wrong_." She wasn't trying to be difficult, but how else was she supposed to say that she had no idea what was happening?

"Sophie-" She may have been able to hide the flinch, but he felt the emotional recoil at his words.

"Foster, please," He tried again, "Let me help you?" An idea niggled at the back of his mind.

There was a pause, and a blue panakes flower gently settled onto Sophie's shoulder.

"Okay," She whispered, "You can try."

~~

"Okay, so I'm thinking I just say things and feel your reaction to it and then we build off of that, so that then we can pinpoint what's up." The two blondes were sitting on Sophie's bed, cross-legged and with a plate of mallowmelt between them.

Sophie raised an eyebrow.

"What?! I didn't have much time to make a plan of attack!" Keefe raised his hands defensively, but a smirk played at the edges of his lips.

"Well... I did already say yes." In all honesty just being around Keefe and his jokes had already helped. He had poured a bucket of water on her, which had actually helped her get the motivation to take a shower, and then Grady had made some mallowmelt for them as a surprise. His still didn't _really_ like Keefe, but he had a secret fondness for the boy.

"Will you need my enhancing?"

Keefe swallowed. "I think it would be better if we didn't make it more... complicated." Sophie didn't exactly know what he meant by that, but she went along.

"Ready?" She nodded, "Okay.... um... I should have come up with a question before I suggested this." He rubbed the back of his neck ruefully.

"Wait! I'll just start with some generic questions, so you get comfortable with answering questions, since I know you don't like telling all of your secrets. You ARE the Mysterious Miss Foster after all." A twinge swirled in with her general 'sucky-feelings' and 'gently-amused-anticipation'. Keefe thought it was interesting, but didn't push it just yet.

"Uh... So your favourite human thing." He needed to figure out some better questions to get to know people.

"Well, I really miss music, but I do still get to listen to some of it via my iPod. Other than that... probably miss movies the most."

"Favourite movie, and why?" 

"Booksmart." There was a swell of happiness at the memory, immediately followed by reservation and hiding. Maybe... disgust? But why would she be disgusted at her favourite movie?

"Why?"

"Because the two girls were such close friends, and back then I was so lonely... It was nice to imagine people being so close." It was a good answer, but it didn't match the feelings she was radiating.

"Sophie," That twinge again, "I can't help you if you don't give me the bare-chested answers. I don't plan on judging you for a movie, so you can be honest. It's okay. I mean, unless its about eating meat, but I could probably forgive you for even that." She smiled, and he grinned at his success.

"I guess I liked it because..." She tugged an eyelash out.

Abruptly she jerked her head up, staring into his eyes, and he instinctively brought a hand to his stomach against the churning anxiety and reservation.

"Keefe."

"Yeah Foster?"

"How do- in the lost cities- How do you feel about the lgbtq community."

Oh damn, did she know?

"Like, personally or...?"

"Personally." Her anxiety was the main emotion now, bubbling and swirling in his stomach.

"I support them, for multiple reasons. And that includes ALL of them." He didn't know if she was trying to get him to say something or if she honestly just wanted to know, but at his words the storm of anxiety calmed slightly.

"Oh. Okay. I guess I liked it because it showed representation." She was still holding back, but Keefe was too busy recovering from the abrupt onslaught of emotions and then the change in subject.

"Cool... uh, favourite... Human celebrity??"

"Rain Dove." There was no hesitation, but afterwards she paused. "I don't- I don't really know much about them, but they seem cool." Them? Nonbinary maybe? The idea burrowed deeper into his mind, but he still didn't put it into words.

"This one will be more personal, okay?" Keefe waited until after her feelings had settled, not just once she nodded, before he asked, "Why don't you like being called Sophie?"

Her heart stopped, which probably shouldn't 'technically' count as an emotion, but Keefe still sensed it. Then there was a twist of confusion as she tried to answer.

"I don't know...?" She wasn't lying or hiding anything this time, but she still pulled at an eyelash and flicked it away.

"Every time I said Sophie this evening you have flinched. Not always physically, but still. Is it because that was what your human parents named you?" He regarded her as she thought, turning the idea over in her head like a pebble at the beach, before frowning and shaking her head.

"It's not that..." Her brow furrowed, and she reached her hand up again, this time continuing to tug at her eyelashes even as she pulled three out.

Keefe took a deep breath, steeling himself for her emotions before taking her hands in his.

"Foster, have you considered that maybe.. you aren't cis?" He really hoped he wasn't stepping out of line, and that it didn't offend her. What if he was just projecting? What if she didn't support trans people?? What if-

He cut the thoughts off when he realized that the majority of the panic was from Foster. Her eyes were wide and she pushed away from him, nearly slipping of the bed.

"What?! I'm not! No, I'm a girl!! I-" Her voice was shrill, but he felt the anxiety get replaced by disgust, and an undercurrent of guilt. She was lying...

And then she was crying.

"Keefe what if I'm broken? I don't know what I am. I think I'm a girl?? What else could I be?" She hiccupped, "I've always been a girl. I was *sniff* born a girl and I- I don't want to disappoint anybody and-"

Keefe hugged her hard. 

"You are not broken, you have never been broken, and I am so sorry that you might even entertain that possibility. I'm sorry for pushing, and making you uncomfortable, I just wanted you to feel better and I noticed how you never liked 'Sophie' and you didn't like 'miss' and I didn't know what to do!! I'm so sorry Foster." 

She hugged him back, "I think, I think I just need to be alone for a minute. Can I call you later?" She sniffed.

"Of course, I'm always here Foss-Boss."

~~~

Sophie rocked on her bed for a while after Keefe light leaped away. She had already tugged out five more eyelashes, and now she was rocking back and forth.

Was she not a girl? She had never thought of herself as trans before...

But now that she thought about it... It made sense with how much she hated makeup, and dresses, and formfitting clothing... So if she wasn't a girl, then who was she?

~~~~

"Hey Keefe?" The whisper was barely picked up by the imparter, but Keefe still heard it.

"Yeah?"

"I... figured some things out."

"That's great Foster, I'm proud of you." 

"My name is.... Simon. I think I'm a demiboy."

**Author's Note:**

> The character Simon Foster was created by Cas (@everyonehasthoughts) on tumbr. I have taken a few creative liberties, but otherwise they belong to Farris :)


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